omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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