I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize