k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
