How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize