We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize