i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
