Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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