Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
