Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will die if light touches me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
