I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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