guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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