Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize