xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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