It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
