i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
