i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
