Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
