he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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