my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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