So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
