i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
