I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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