No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
