whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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