I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
