I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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