who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
