I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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