Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?

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(707): View more from California

Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka

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(703): View more from Virginia

I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.

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(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly

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(630): View more from Illinois

As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

So I WAS right.

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