I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize