i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
