i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
