You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
