where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it because I queefed?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
