tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
