Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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