Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Terrible idea I love it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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