k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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