I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is the high leading the old right now
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
