the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
