dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
