he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm getting married
To pizza
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize