Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
