The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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