2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
