I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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