I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
