Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
