toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your dad touched me again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
