I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
