i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
