so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
