ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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