You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
