how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
