Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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