I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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