So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wear drunk well.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
