Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
