Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
