saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize