just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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