just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
