Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
