Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
