I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
