making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize