it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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