4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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