Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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