I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
