At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
