dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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