...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
