Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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