this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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