We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
